Notes from a profound encounter with a friend’s adoption stories, post reflections on my emotions tied to my ADHD diagnosis. I share a personal journey of transition, the importance of family support during an ADHD diagnosis, and how the words ‘Adopt’ and ‘Adapt’ can become an inspiration for families navigating challenges with unity and resilience .
I just had a fantastic experience sharing a few days with a friend who mesmerized me with her stories of her journey as a mother of an adopted child. I have been in awe of people who adopt children, so with these new words of wisdom, I did what I love – wander, wonder and worried or WWoWed on these stories. After a while I was amazed at how her stories touched almost all of thethirty Oh Yes and Oh No Emotions I analyze and share in Perfectly Imperfect. I saw so many parallels (though in no way comparable) between her stories and my own Oh Yes and Oh No compilation as I learnt to survive and then thrive with ADHD.
How, you may wonder.
In 2020, in theblink of an eye, and then for many months, my role as a husband and father for over 27 years, evolved from being the lead actor in our ‘house of cards’ with an infinite bag full of Cool Moves to becoming the weakest link in the same house with almost no Cool Moves at all.
But this blog is not about adoption. It is to acknowledge my family who literally ‘adopted’ me at the age of 54 when my secure world fell apart. Initially, I had felt lost, till this brilliant piece of advice from a Miner and Miller changed my perspective: ‘A brave warrior, when wounded, knows when to retreat and seek comfort in the arms of his loved ones. When he is strong enough to stand on his own feet, with renewed vigour he can resume his warrior role to protect and defend his family.’
It was now that I acknowledged that I was, am and always will be a warrior, though presently a wounded one. So I applied these words in my life. Thankfully in my weakest moments, my family did not abandon me even though I can only imagine this turn of fate had a profound impact on them too. In time they learned diligently to take over my warrior role.
While doing so they also found their own strength to nourish me till I was strong again. Together they helped me and themselves to adapt to new roles in our new reality as a ‘family with ADHD’. Their support continued till I once again had the strength and tools to morph into a leading role in our house of cards, this time with a bag full of New Cool Moves that included a revised version of Nut Worth, and skills such as an author, blogging, podcasting and more.
I think the play of words Adopt and Adapt is powerful. I can visualize many situations in my life where they come into play but the trick is to find a balance and the right time to switch an ‘O’ with an ‘A’ to address a challenge or opportunity that comes calling.
‘Adopt and Adapt‘is also a mindset, one that made me realize that when one’s life changes, to succeed in the change, the Cool Moves one makes must be also accepted by my family.For, the changes though necessary, may disrupt their lives too.
I got lucky as my family bought into my vision of learning to thrive with ADHD.
You can read more about the concept of Nut Worth in Perfectly Imperfect. I want to use this blog as an inspiration to families of ‘people like me’ who at some point of time may also reach out to them in a new avatar as wounded warriors.
A few tips that may inspire you.
My diagnosis: My immediate family of Marianne, Kristian and Kia were involved in my diagnostic process and I also included a few loved ones who I knew I could count on to pull us up when things got too complicated to handle without help. Marianne was involved in all the discussions with the medical professionals who also cherished her advice in my treatment plan.
Understanding ADHD: As a family we studied and debated ADHD and understood the challenges that lay ahead for each one of us. Each one of them was ready to put their hand up in whatever way to help us get through this with the least amount of disruption in their individual daily lives.
Spin off effect: We also accepted that ADHD could be hereditary and put in place contingency plans if any others needed to be diagnosed with ADHD.
Unwavering Support: While the diagnosis and survival phase of ADHD is emotionally and financially challenging, we had select family, professional advisors and friends each of us could seek counselling from, and comfort in.
Most importantly, in this process, we tried our best to hold our heads high and focused on coming out of my ADHD diagnosis stronger as a family.
When I started learning to thrive with ADHD, we invested time in getting to know each other better, our bonds became stronger and our roles and responsibilities adjusted to each one’s satisfaction to match our new reality as a family with ADHD.